Interpretations of nature from junior high, high school, and COLLEGE test papers and essays submitted
to science and health teachers. (spelling errors preserved)

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”
“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.”
“Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.”
“For fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.”
“For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”